So with the whole pro-ana vs. body acceptance thing floating about like a bizarre rain cloud it's been a weird week. A friend and I were recently having a conversation about the ridiculous nature of some television programs that try to send a "fat positive" message by making Tyra Banks (or anyone else) dress in a "fat suit" for a day to see how people treat them.
I personally find these shows highly amusing considering the way in which they comically dress these women up and not only make them fat, but also make them look absolutely ridiculous. And in all the years I've been fat I've only ever faced discrimination based on being so in games like THERE or Second Life(TM), and that I think the depictions of an average day in a fat person's life in these shows are inaccurate. I don't know if there is some higher force trying to cosmically prove me wrong for saying those programs are a little exaggerated because this week has been nothing but fat comments and bizarre "fatism" (fatism is defined as discrimination against someone for being overweight).
This week I have, in real life, been called fat twice. The first time I was doing some grocery shopping very late at night (about 1 a.m.) and happened by a fellow who took it upon himself to state loudly, "Hey lady, nice fat ass". Now, the tone of his voice indicated this could have been either a compliment OR an insult; however, either way I wasn't super impressed.
Then as I was walking outside to take a break at work the other day there were a group of three men sitting outside smoking and one audibly commented "Fat ass girl" as I walked by. I'm not sure if people assume being fat also means I'm deaf too...as though cellulite is clogging my ear canals or something.
So I guess I wasn't super surprised when today in Second Life (TM) I was introduced to an absolutely delightful individual by the name of Drewseph Dinosaur. I happened upon this individual because I was standing outside of my PUDGE shop at the Starlust Motel. I was contemplating moving some vendors around and such when he meandered up to me and started to talk.
The conversation that took place between he and I is a perfect example of what I have encountered several times in Second Life (and other games) because of my avatar's size. It seems as though people have less of an internal dialogue based on the anonymity of games like these. I can see how that may be liberating in many ways (maybe for people who feel they can't express themselves properly in real life) but it also seems to make some people lose a sense of responsibility toward respect for other individuals and their feelings. Granted, I took nothing this individual said to heart because I honestly could care less if someone thinks I'm fat (I mean, no duh, I'm fat). But it does bother me that people think it's ok to randomly harass people without instigation.
You will notice that I asked Drewseph Dinosaur for his express permission to quote him in my blog. I didn't think it was fair to record and post a conversation without the permission of the individuals involved. I was granted permission and have proof of such (see convo below).
Note also in the conversation the part when I was told that I must have been "asking for" discrimination based on the fact that my avatar is fat and my shop is a gigantic hamburger. Alas...
I have "bleeped out" the cuss words for the sake that I may have underage readers.
[23:42] Drewseph Dinosaur: IS THIS A F**** BURGER!?
[23:42]You: It's not just any burger, it is in fact a f**** burger.
[23:42] Drewseph Dinosaur: F*** YEAH!
[23:42] You: It's my pudgeburger.
[23:43] Drewseph Dinosaur: you f***in fatty
[23:43] You: can i quote you on that?
[23:43] Drewseph Dinosaur: wyes
[23:43] You: Oh good
[23:43] You: I have been writing in my blog recently about fatism in SL
[23:45] You: So you have something against fatties or burgers? Or both?[23:46] Drewseph Dinosaur: i f*****g love burgers
[23:46] Drewseph Dinosaur: and i f******g love fatties
[23:46] You: Well burgers are lovely
[23:46] You: I agree fully
[23:47] Drewseph Dinosaur: i
[23:47] Drewseph Dinosaur: i have to go
[23:47] Drewseph Dinosaur: fatcampawaits me
At this point he left for a bit, only to return moments later with two friends.
0:02] Drewseph Dinosaur: OH
[0:03] Drewseph Dinosaur: WE MEET AGAIN, BURGER LADY
[0:03] You: True that sir.
[0:03] Drewseph Dinosaur: you f****n fatty burger-watchin woman
[0:03] Kaylah Debevec goes in for fries
[0:03] Drewseph Dinosaur: better?
[0:04] You: when did i go from "fatty" to "burger lady" then back again.
[0:04] You: you're a charmer
[0:04] Kaylah Debevec blinks
[0:04] Stein Shilova: Drew, you are being a d**k
[0:04] Drewseph Dinosaur: WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER
[0:04] You: Well, i do have an actual name.
[0:04] Kaylah Debevec hands him a burger, "Here.. eats"
(At this point I say something to the effect of, "Well done on being the first person in all of SL to notice I'm fat" but my text kept not showing up for me, so I figured i would try to fill in for you a bit).
[0:05] Drewseph Dinosaur: forgive me
[0:05] Drewseph Dinosaur: but i'm probably not
[0:05] You: You shall get an award for "pointing out the obvious"
[0:07] You: Well you're obviously bothered by the fact that i'm fat, although obviously I'm not (or I wouldn't have chosen to be this way). I'm curious, what is it about it that bothers you so?
[0:07] Thursday Schism: I can't walk at all on my lappy
[0:07] Kaylah Debevec: SIssy... we found burgers -hands her a boring french fry-
[0:07] Thursday Schism: :o
[0:07] Drewseph Dinosaur: you don't bother me
[0:07] Thursday Schism: Oooh, burgers and drama! Pass me the popcorn[0:07] Drewseph Dinosaur: this burger bothers me
[0:07] Kaylah Debevec get it out
[0:07] Drewseph Dinosaur: its....too big for me to eat in one bite!
[0:07] You: what about my burger bothers you?
[0:08] Kaylah Debevec whispers, He did it, i just thought the burger was neat[0:09] Drewseph Dinosaur shrugs "I'm just curious as to how this burger still stands. Don't you guys eat it when you're hungry?"
[0:09] Thursday Schism noms on her frosted flakes and watches intently
[0:09] You: Do you eat when you're hungry?
[0:10] You: Is that not a normal human response to do so?
[0:10] Drewseph Dinosaur: duh...which is wh i'm asking why you haven't eaten this burger when you were hungry
[0:10] Drewseph Dinosaur: fair question.
[0:10] You: Well, seeing as it's a virtual burger in a virtual game
[0:11] You: I figure it's impossible to eat.
[0:11] You: Call me crazy.
[0:11] Thursday Schism facepalms
[0:11] Thursday Schism: He is kidding lady.
[0:11] Kaylah Debevec munches her pixel popcorn with interest
[0:11] You: was he also kidding when he called me "f*****g fatty burger watching woman?"
[0:12] Stein Shilova: I think that you all should take your har dee har har attitudes and popcorn and leave.
[0:12] Stein Shilova: now
[0:12] Thursday Schism: probably, he's a d****e bag
[0:12] Drewseph Dinosaur: what was that skinny?
[0:12] Thursday Schism groans
[0:12] You: This is still quotable correct?
[0:12] Thursday Schism: <3s Drewbie
[0:13] Thursday Schism: him being a d****e?
[0:13] You: yes, I can see why. He's positively charming.
[0:13] Thursday Schism: It's mostly cause he's a tomcat in the sack, yanno[0:14] Kaylah Debevec groans and rolls her eyes
[0:14] Thursday Schism's shoulders shrug. "What, he's good."
[0:14] Stein Shilova: well he should be, he's a big enough d**k
[0:14] Thursday Schism smirks.
[0:14] Drewseph Dinosaur: angry inch!
[0:15] Kaylah Debevec tugs them, Can we go now??
[0:15] Thursday Schism: But, i like the smell of the burger...
[0:15] Kaylah Debevec blinks, YOUR A VEGGIE HEAD
[0:15] Thursday Schism: xDxDxD
[0:15] Kaylah Debevec giggles
[0:16] Drewseph Dinosaur: doesn't mean she can't sniff
[0:16] Thursday Schism: JUST LEMME EAT MY FROSTED FLAKES BISH[0:16] You: So, im going to ask again, is this conversation quotable, because it's going to be incredibly appropriate for my more recent blogging.
[0:16] Kaylah Debevec eeeeeps
[0:16] Kaylah Debevec shrugs
[0:16] Drewseph Dinosaur: depends what you're gonna do with it
[0:16] Thursday Schism: Oh sure, go ahead. You spell my name T-h-u- xD j/p[0:16] You: I'm more then happy to change names
[0:17] Kaylah Debevec: Put it on her blog der.. good in bed boy
[0:17] Thursday Schism: Make my name Wednesday!
[0:17] You: I'm going to use it to prove a point about some people's reactions to fat avatars.
[0:17] Kaylah Debevec cracks up and licks her, Dork
[0:17] You: Granted, the ladies have said nothing against anything.
[0:17] Drewseph Dinosaur: make me famous on the interwebs
[0:17] Thursday Schism: Well, that's because Kaly's thighs are huge
[0:18] Thursday Schism: <33333
[0:18] Drewseph Dinosaur: THUNDER THIGHSSSSSSSSS
[0:18] Kaylah Debevec: Actually.. to be fair and honest.. I didnt even realize he was talking to anyone.. however -glares.. leave my thunder's alone damn you both
[0:18] You: Fabulous
[0:18] Drewseph Dinosaur: OMFG IS THAT AWNING BACON~?
[0:18] Kaylah Debevec: You start in on my breats.. YOU DIE
[0:18] Thursday Schism: xD
[0:18] Thursday Schism NOMNOMNOMS TEH BACON
[0:18] Thursday Schism: oh shit, veggie.
[0:18] Kaylah Debevec: I am cuttin out tongues once and for all!
[0:18] Drewseph Dinosaur grabs thurs by the ankle "BAD VEGGIEGIRL"
[0:19] Thursday Schism: 2:
[0:19] Thursday Schism digs back into her frosted flakes
[0:19] Drewseph Dinosaur: 3:?
[0:19] Kaylah Debevec: So Crystyle.. mind if I ask you a question?
[0:19] Kaylah Debevec is just nosey and curious
[0:19] You: by all means
[0:20] Kaylah Debevec: Ok.. I can see being a bit larger than average on her.. would make for an interesting experiment
[0:20] Kaylah Debevec: Bu*here
[0:20] You: It's not an experiment actually
[0:20] You: shit, my text keeps not showing up
[0:20] Kaylah Debevec: Okay.. then fine.. being more yourself than some are willing to be..
[0:21] Kaylah Debevec smiles, It did
[0:21] You: this is my normal shape
[0:21] Stein Shilova: I'm guessing that neither of you ladies look exactly like your avatars...
[0:21] You: oh see, its all coming out of order for me. So wierd.
[0:21] Kaylah Debevec: lag.. -shakes her fist at sl-
[0:22] Thursday Schism shrugs. "I see nothing wrong with pudge avs, hell, i have the cutest neko alt that's about 5'8" and plump as hell. But uhh... making a chubby av and hanging out at a burger? Kinda asking for something."
[0:22] Drewseph Dinosaur sits on thursday's shoulder?
[0:22] You: Well
[0:22] You: the burger
[0:22] You: is my shop
[0:22] Kaylah Debevec hides her rl tail
[0:22] Drewseph Dinosaur: clearly
[0:22] Drewseph Dinosaur: wellt hey don't have tails or puppy aers
[0:22] You: And i dont think doing anything of the nature
[0:22] You: is "asking for something"
[0:22] Stein Shilova: she isn't hanging out here
[0:22] You: that would be like saying
[0:22] You: because you wear kitty ears
[0:22] You: i should make fun of you
[0:22] Thursday Schism: PUPPY!
[0:22] You: for being unrealistic
[0:22] Thursday Schism: And go right ahead.
[0:22] Thursday Schism: xD
[0:22] Stein Shilova: so if you guys are hanging around a litterbox, that would just leave you open for jokes?
[0:22] You: I choose not to.
[0:23] Thursday Schism: Yeah.
[0:23] You: I don't think anyone is "asking for something" by doing something they enjoy
[0:23] You: obviously my store name is tounge in cheek. And my avatar is fat[0:23] You: but
[0:23] You: calling someone a f*****g fatty
[0:23] You: is a whole other cup of tea
[0:23] You: and uncalled for
[0:23] You: I wouldn't say something degrading based on what you wear or are[0:23] You: even if i thought it was unappealing
[0:24] Drewseph Dinosaur: ................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![0:24] Kaylah Debevec drags drew back by his leash
[0:24] Drewseph Dinosaur: \m/ ';,,,;' \m/ - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! - \m/ ';,,,;' \m/
[0:24] You: and wouldn't think you were "asking for it"
[0:24] Drewseph Dinosaur: Its body is covered in hundreds of wires!!!!
[0:24] Kaylah Debevec: down boy
[0:24] Drewseph Dinosaur: The mouth attempts to speak but, only murmers collapse from its jaws!!!!
[0:24] Thursday Schism: oh noes!
[0:24] Drewseph Dinosaur: \m/ ';,,,;' \m/!!!!!!![0:24] Drewseph Dinosaur: \m/ ';,,,;' \m/!!!!!!![0:24] Kaylah Debevec facepalms
At this point they all teleported away. I just thought that everyone may benefit from seeing first hand what it is like sometimes when you represent yourself in a true-to-life way via a platform like Second Life(TM).
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14 comments:
I so admire you Crystyle, you are amazing! I so would have bounced this bozzo and have alt-clicked on him first so i could watch him orbit. You have some serious patience, and are one of the most real people in-world.
Cheers!
~ Ketsy
Also:
[0:04] Stein Shilova: Drew, you are being a d**k
**And the Understatement of the year award goes too.......*lolz*
Why thank you Jhuzen! I do have a lot of patience (I used to be a preschool teacher if that gives you a general idea of my ability to handle chaos).
Stein Shilova was fabulous during that whole conversation because she really managed not to go completely bonkers on that guy despite her desires to do so. She is fabulous and I love her to bits.
I would also like to thank all of the people who commented on my previous blog on this subject. I recieved a lot of positive feedback and I want you all to know that it was greatly appreciated. If I could I'd bake you all cupcakes!
Crystyle, for the record, I am also chubby IRL and I've learned that the number of people who support you (not you specifically but you as a generalized thing) and accept you for they way you are is far larger than the amount of Drewsephs in this world. Also, your confidence shows way more than any "extra" skin does and I can sense (even simply from your writing) that you have every reason to be confident and that you, in fact, are awesome! The whole "if you love yourself others will love you" bit was always so cliche to me but seeing someone talented and with a sense of humor and a little extra pudge embrace themselves...it just makes me happy and inspired. And uhm, can we all say "Beth Ditto"????? Nuff said!
Ahhh, people like this just kill me. I never think it is socially acceptable to just walk up to a stranger and start wailing on them verbally and in RL most people do not do that except the severely mentally ill. However, on the Internets it's socially acceptable to some people to do that. In reality, I think that shows a very different type of mental disorder. I really was blown away at how outwordly rude people are in the excessive fatvatar I wore. As Kess normally I am very socially awkward and tend to stay away from talking to people (hell that's me IRL LOL) so I don't experience much although when I do kick/ban people in my sandbox they tend to always resort to the 'fatass' comment. Too bad they're already estate banned by then.
People blow.
<3
PS: Marissa's paper was an actual study to be presented at a conference of her academic peers. Although it may appear like she willy nilly posted conversations she did change names, except mine, because I told her she could since we know eachother RL. I just wanted to say that, make sure it's out there.
Oh gosh at the risk of a tl;dr I find your pose names absolutely AWESOME, lol.
Ug, you were asking for it because you were hanging out at your store which happened to look like a hamburger? This is the type of logic that makes people look like idiots.
I happened to think the burger is really cute. I had a great time exploring Starlust. It was full of Americana nostalgia.
You have the patience of a saint but, then again, we all knew that. :)
I have much admiration for you :-) You held your own, despite the asshattery by those two.
And I've only ever *slightly* met Stein, but I'm already a fan of hers for this <3
fatty, fatass,it's all so...unimaginative. Can't they come up with something original and creative? I don't understand the logic, you are hanging out next to a cheeseburger so you are asking to be called fat? Maybe like, you are hanging out next to MY cheeseburger shop, so you are being asked to shop?
You handled that well Lady, and I love your store.
Allagator: Hell yes on the Beth Ditto front. How did you know she's my fat, hot, incredible hero? For those of you who don't know the Gossip; Youtube that action IMMEDIATELY! haha
Kesseret: I agree with everything you said. The fact that the study was done for academic purposes is awesome, I think that a positive message has to be put out there as much as possible to counter act the D-bags of the world. I don't think it looks like she willy nilly posted names at all; however, I had no problem what so ever posting the name of this individual after getting his permission to do so. I figure if he had the balls enough to randomly insult people, well, then he'd have the balls to let the whole world know about it. haha!
Teagan:I happen to love the heck out of my burger too. One would think that with my store logo, my avatar's appearance, and my general attitude, that it's pretty darn obvious I'm an unappologetic fat girl; however, people always think they're going to "get me" with the fat jokes. So silly!
Phoenix: You made me snort/giggle with the word "asshattery". Well done! And yes, Stein is the bee's knees!
Noirran: I know right? They can never come up with anything more creative then fatty or fat ass. It's tragically dull and boring. I'd even prefer something like "fatty fatty boombalatti" just to add some flavor every now and again.
You guys are all fab! cheers!
I love the way you handled yourself with poise and grace...well done.
They on the other hand sounded like they should really be on the teen grid. Maybe mature a little, before they come to play where the "adults" play.
You and Stein are my new heroes.
That comment is so going in my quotes.
Jesus. Kick and ban.
I don't have the ability to kick and ban on the Starlust land, so unfortunatly it wasn't an option at the moment. Granted, I could have just teleported away but I figured it was worth doctumenting considering the recent topics of conversation.
Wow, you rock. Once, I made a fat alt, I was too cowardly to do it on my main (also I like her cute dainty elfish shape :D) and wandered into the club I worked in at the time. Right away, one of the patrons (not actually a friend of mine, but someone I was quite familiar with) started telling me quite categorically that I should change my shape, because 'Well, you're not very sexy, are you?' and 'You should look more like [some dancer who was there at the time]'. I sort of stood my ground, lamely mumbled something about how there was nothing wrong with how I looked...and promptly ran back to my pretty little petite main, kicking myself for being so lame and give-up-ish....:(
Point is, you're awesome!
You might get a linkback if blogger does this. I had to make a case in point: Just because someone is fat and talking about pie doesn't mean they deserve or are asking to be treated like crap.
Just wanted to give you a heads up (over at tacotacotaco blog in the comments)
I love this.. and makes me feel like I am not alone. Just recently a video of my RL was posted of me when i was extremely overweight as" the real Kianna Noel" By a ex friend.. just to poke at the fact that i was heavy and to embarass me infront of the SL community.. It hurts.. and its horrible when people have to go that low... I love who I am and I will never change for anyone. My AV is not chubby but.. I am inspired and kinda wanna make her more realistic and stop hiding from it and just embrace it. ♥
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